Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm here to tell you, my struggle and trauma is true; I hope it's something that you don't have to go through.
I was on fire terminating the liars, I guess I burned so bright I burned out.
And then I started taking a mini vacation and I stopped caring, it just became too overbearing,
Cuz I've been on the run so long they can't find me. Sometimes, my struggle gets my soul in trouble. Sometimes I feel like I got hit with a shovel.
I smile because smiling eventually causes me to be happy, I cry because crying empties out my tears so I have more room for smiling and laugh. I listen because I learn. I ignore because I have my own way of doing things.
And when I'm praying, sometimes I feel like I'm faking; the phone doesn't seem to be ringing, I always leave a message and I always miss it when he calls back. I feel like I'm going up there in the ocean, feels like a commotion; sometimes I feel like I'm in the waves that just won't seem to give me grace.
What about the good, what about all the family supporting you forever? What about all the people you work with together? What about all the good that comes out of disaster? What about love, what about trust, what about faith? What about patience? What about time?
We are always wanting to rush into things, instead of just waiting for the right time to come, there's always good that will come out of the shit. Even though right now I feel like I'm going through countless never-ending shit and countless struggle.
I still somehow have some tiny little hope left and I know things will get better for me, and the trees will start smelling like trees and no longer like pee, the grass will be shorter and easier to walk through, there will be no more tears, there will be much more laughter, much more joy, much more pain, but much more strength. That day will come, when the air will smell like air again, when the waves will no longer knock you over, when the grass is greener than ever. Hang on tight for this wild ride and you will find even greater strength through the midst of all this heartache.
The day will come when you will no longer lash out in rages of anger, when you no longer cry and suck in tears of sadness, that day will come when you never have to stare at a person again and to say, “I wonder what the hell do they think about me, do they like me, do they hate me; are they just trying to make me feel better or do they actually want to be my friend?” There will be a day all of it will make sense, there will be a day you will find your best friends.
There will be a day you will say, “I wish I found these people sooner, I wish I went on this path sooner; what was I thinking just sitting around and not trying to make a change in the world, not trying to impact the world; not trying to give to the world? What was I thinking trying to make everything about myself instead of reaching out to others, helping others and reaching out to the world? What was I thinkin not helping others through their struggles? What was I thinkin not pushing others to do their best? What was I thinkin not trying to be a light in the world?
In a world of terror, in a world of torture, in a world of anger, why can't we be the opposite? Why can't we impact the world in a positive way and stop trying to impact it in a negative way?
This is called beautiful struggle. We learn from all the bad stuff we go through, we learn and grow from all the pain, we learn and grow from losing people we love, we learn and grow by reaching out to others even if we're having a hard year, a hard day, or a hard life. It's not about us. It's about the world. Make an impact or don't...your choice. Your life will always get better, you just have to keep trying; you'll make. It might take time, but you'll get there.